Archive for April, 2010

One of my colleagues in office is on an operation to find a daughter-in-law for her only son. And she is looking for a girl who is extremely fair, slim, beautiful, tall, pleasing personality, well educated in the same field as his son, working in a reputed organization, good cook, from a respected and well settled family, and mind you the parents should also have good etiquettes and should not talk non-sense..oh how can I forget same caste and the patri should match with good number of gund. That’s it….!!

 Am sure, she would never find the girl she wants coz no such perfect girl exists. And yes, its not just her story, it’s the same with every mother on a mission to find a perfect girl for her dear son.

 “Shes not as beautiful as my daughter.” Do you want to put her in the showcase?

 “Shes well educated but I don’t know if she’ll take care of her home.” Then why do you want an educated girl?

 And the anxious mothers go all around showing photographs and asking people as to who looks better of them all. How can I compare two individuals, all the unique. How can I tell by seeing, who is better? Can you..? Isn’t it so strange and illogical to reject a girl because her face looks more matured compared to her age?

 Aren’t all of these conversations going on between the ladies of the family who come back after evaluating/ scanning/ screening girls?

 Since, there is no girl who can match all the criterions perfectly, a girl, who’s the best after the entire search, enters the family.  Now, this is where the problem begins. The mother has an image of her ideal daughter-in-law in which she tries to fit her actual daughter-in-law. Then comes the expectations, the girl gets on to the project of fulfilling them by losing herself or for certain things, for which nothing can be done, like her dark complexion, she has to hear about it as if it is her fault.

And surprisingly, our society has no criterion for the guys. If a girl has the guts to reject a guy, shes an idiot and nakchadi (high headed) girl to let off such a nice rishta.

 We argue that our society is patriarchal and so girls have to face all this. The irony is that even if every second girl in our country faces the whole process for being the bride, she is the one who has set criterion for the perfect girl.

 I wonder, why do girls add to the suffering of girls in our society. And even I, as a spectator, blindly and dumbly see people doing it. Today, I take on to atleast make the mothers present/ aware to whatever evaluations they are doing, how did they feel and is it actually important. The most important qualification for a girl is to the life partner and not a beautiful piece of matter.

 Are you with me..?


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Almost every third person I meet, normally has a story to narrate about his accidental landing in his present job/ career. “Oh! I had never thought of this as my future”. “I don’t know from where did this pop up.” “You Know, I always wanted to be a pilot.”

 Then, there are interesting twists and turns in some extraordinarily interesting stories. “I did MSc. Zoology coz my friend was doing it. I felt so lost after that. Couldn’t get into teaching coz of the poor academic record. U know, then I found out those National level exams which do no have GK, am bad at that. Got just one and applied. Somehow got through and so I have landed up in this Bank as Credit Officer.” HUH…Zoologist in a Bank..??

And then there was one staff member in our Bank, who is known for his knowledge in Advances..unbeatable I tell you. I generally asked him about his interest in finance, since when does he enjoy it..and there comes his reply, “I hate Bank work. I never wanted to be here. I had to marry off my 9 sisters and feed my family, so I had to be here. There was no time for my dreams. Am here since I was 19 years old…” Great na…People are doing great even in areas they never wanted to be in. A human being is such a unique creation, that he can adjust and create things according to the prevailing conditions. But then the irony is, still he is not happy and satisfied.

I feel, coming by whichever path, everybody with the right attitude is able to do well in his work. We ultimately find the Right job for us, something, which could be different from our dream career BUT definitely, which we are best at. Still we brood over what we couldn’t get in our life..that dream career, that dream company, that dream salary…endless.

As Human BEINGS, we have the power to create our lives the way we want to..to live a life we want to..to be happy IF we want to J Happiness is a way of being..it cannot be achieved or reached at. If at this stage, we might not have a choice to be a doctor, pilot, chef etc. but we certainly have one to be content.

Acceptance of our present, the way it is and the way it is not, gives us immense satisfaction, just try it once, it sets you free. Now, we have enough space to create something from where we are today. It paves a way to move ahead and make our life worth it.

Who knows we land up on another khajoor, this time the one we always to be on?

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